"Not really," I replied, in my snottiest voice.
Sometimes I really like myself.
It's true that the recycling center is kinda like a garbage dump. But whatever. It was hot out. When it's hot, I rock the dress. The damn thing only cost me ten bucks.
The comment didn't get under my skin. It amused me. The inability of proper attire is a talent of mine. The older I get, the more confused I get about the rules. No matter how much I try to pay attention to style and fashion and all that crap, I continue to miss the mark.
As a kid, I dressed as a rainbow. My favorite outfit included a bright orange Flyers t-shirt that hung down to my knees, turquoise stretch pants, a pink hoodie and pink Chuck Taylors. Of course - this was the eighties. Didn't everyone dress like that? We preferred big, loud colors. Most girls knew how to put those colors together.
In high school, I stripped my hair white blond and invented my own look. One of my boyfriends at the time dubbed it as the "I don't care" look. I disagreed with the name. I DID care. My clothes only looked like I didn't. My clothes all came from the thrift store. I wore ripped t-shirts with my old Catholic school uniform, Boy Scout socks, and combat boots that came up to half my shin.
Honestly? This was probably the most happiest I ever was with how I looked.
I do pretty well as a grownup. I mean, I do well when I'm not wearing dresses to garbage dumps. Although my BFF did tell me a couple days ago that my new pocketbook looks like something her grandmother would buy.
The best thing about the exchange at the recycling center had to be my reply. I squinted at the guy hard, shook my head, and spat, "Not really." Something stirred in my chest. My heart gave gave a kick. Then I knew. Rainbow Brite and Courtney Love are alive and well. Both take up residence in some quirky bitch corner of my brain. Finally, I don't have to let the world know they are in there.
It makes me wonder. How many of us actually change as we grow up? How many of us have simply learned to keep our mouths shut?